Episode 19: Being Coachable

Not many people know this but, I’ve directed several weddings over the years! Never as an actual business venture but simply because people know that I’m super type A, organized, and reliable. I’ve never charged for my time as it’s always been for close family and friends and while I’ve been told that I’m great at it, it’s just not something that I plan to do again. So, this past weekend, my cousin’s wedding, may have been the very last wedding that I ever direct.

The real challenge was directing a wedding when some didn’t want to be directed at all! My patience was certainly tested, but I was grateful because this wasn’t my normal gig and, in my coaching business, I get to choose my clients. I don’t accept everyone. I’ve spoken with some women on a consultation call and never even offered my services. Why? Well, there’s one specific piece of criteria that is critical for me in helping women achieve high results in their business, and that is being coachable. 

Symptoms of someone that is not coachable:

  1. They are someone who always thinks they are right.
  2. They are not open to learning anything new.
  3. They have low self-awareness.
  4. They have no desire to improve.
  5. They blame others and make excuses.
  6. They don’t take action (even when they say they will).

Symptoms of someone that IS coachable: 

  1. They desire to learn and continue to learn.
  2. They are open to changing and improving.
  3. They take action and do what they say they’ll do.
  4. They ask for help! They realize they need help to get where they want to go.
  5. They trust their coach/mentor and the process.


Not many people know this, but I've directed several weddings over the years, never as an actual business venture, but simply because people know that I'm super type a, organized, and reliable. I've never sought out the opportunity or charged for my time as it's always been for close family and friends. And while I'm told that I'm great at it by wedding vendors and pastors I have always had a happy bride and groom, it's just not something that I plan to do again. So this weekend, my cousin's wedding may have been the very last wedding that I ever direct. And to be honest, it was a doozy, not because of the arrangement that caught on fire or realizing that the groom didn't have a ring minutes before the ceremony. Nope. Those were handled with grace and ease. The real challenge was directing a wedding when some didn't really wanna be directed at all.


I had a groomsman not show up to the rehearsal, bridesmaids who showed up 2 and a half hours late, groomsmen who didn't wanna usher people in to their seats, in a bridal party that stood still and stared at me when I spoke to them, instead of actually taking action like lining up for the processional. They certainly tested my patience, and it made me grateful that, a, that I don't do this for a living, and b, that I had some airplane bottles of Captain Morgan to enjoy after I was off duty. You see, while wedding directors have to deal with bridezillas and mothers of the bride and misbehaving guests and bridal parties, I'm grateful because I get to choose my clients. I get to handpick them. I don't accept everyone, and I've spoken with some and never even offered them my services. There's 1 specific piece of criteria that I both look for in an initial call and then put into my contract with my clients, and that is being coachable. Before I get to what it means exactly to be coachable, let's look at some of the symptoms of someone who isn't coachable, someone who always thinks they're right. They're know it all.


They're not open to learning anything new. They're unwilling to try to learn, they're not even open to listening, they're not open to change, they have low self awareness, little or no desire to improve. Maybe they blame others, make excuses. Everything is other people's fault. They don't follow through on commitments or take action even when they say they will. They're very negative or pessimistic, disinterested, disrespectful, maybe avoid eye contact or verbal responses, maybe even roll their eyes. There's a lot more. That list could go on and on, but let's flip the script.


What does it mean to be coachable? Someone who's coachable actually wants to learn. They desire to learn, and they desire to continually learn. They're open to changing. They're open to improving. They take ownership and responsibility. They also take action. They have a high level of personal integrity and do what they say they'll do. They're positive and transparent giving you the information that you need to help them.


Not only that, but they ask for help. They don't see this as a sign of weakness. They realize that they need help to get where they wanna go. They ask for and are open to feedback without taking it personally, and they trust you and the process. You know, there's a big difference in people who can do something and those who will do something. People who can have the ability and that's important. You need that in order to accomplish something, but you also have to have the right attitude. You have to be open and willing.


So someone who can do something but refuses to isn't someone who's coachable. You have to have the ability to and the attitude. Otherwise, you're simply limiting your potential. Why do you think athletes have coaches? Sure, they already have an incredible amount of ability, raw talent that they're working with, but they have so much more potential. And a coach is there to help them maximize that, to actually achieve greater things to fulfill that potential. But the coaching only works if you're coachable. I've spoken with incredibly talented women who didn't show up, didn't implement, didn't ask for help. They second guessed recommendations, acted like they knew it all.


And guess what? They didn't get results. And then I've spoken with others who are far less experienced, who actually listened and trusted, who took action, who asked for help, and got amazing results. And the biggest difference was being coachable. That made all the difference and whether they got results or not. So I'm curious, are you showing up in a way that's coachable? Are you willing to learn? Do you desire to learn? Are you open to change? Are you open to improving? Or do you show up to a training and think to yourself, oh, I've already heard all of this before. I already know all of this. There's a big difference. Even if you've heard some things before, is there a chance that you've not heard something? Is there a chance that you could still learn something? Is there a chance that there's a piece of the information that may help you? Are you staying open to that? Are you showing up in saying you're going to do certain things, that you're going to take action, are you making commitments and then showing up later, making the same commitment over again because you never followed through the 1st time? Or do you do what you say you'll do? Do you hold yourself accountable for the things that you say? Do you ask for help, or do you struggle silently, never reaching out in wasting valuable time trying to do it all yourself.


When there are others who have gone before you who've done this very thing that you are trying to do, it can save you so much time. Do you ask for feedback? Are you open to it? Are you willing to accept the feedback, or do you take it personally or even avoid the feedback altogether? There's a big difference in the 2. So I encourage you to really take a deep dive and figure out whether you are showing up in a way that's coachable or not. Maybe you have mixed results, and in some areas of your life or in some instances, you're coachable and in others, you're not. Audit yourself. Ask yourself. Really examine where you can show up and be more coachable so that you can truly fulfill your potential. Again, coaching only works if you're coachable, and coaching is designed to accelerate your success.


So why wouldn't you wanna be coachable? Open yourself up, follow through, and fulfill your potential.

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