Episode 123: Finding Neutral

Believe It Before You Achieve It

Have you ever felt so ecstatic over a goal you achieved? Maybe it was signing on a new client, or selling out your group membership. What about failing to reach a goal? Was it so crushing, you had to pause for a moment to process your feelings about it?

What if I told you having these high highs and low lows is actually unhealthy in business? It means you’re attaching too much meaning to hitting your goals.

Don’t wait to achieve it before you believe it. 

 

In This Episode You’ll Learn:

  • How to plan for failure
  • How to find neutral with your goals
  • The importance of choosing your beliefs about results ahead of time

Hey, everybody, welcome back to the podcast. I've got a little story for you. It's from quite a while ago. But there's an important lesson in it for you. So the first time I ever received a yes, on a sales call for one of my six month one on one coaching packages was incredible. I was so excited. And I ran around the house jumping and screaming and yelling. I was over the moon thrilled. But then she ghosted me. And I was absolutely devastated. It rocked me and my competence. And it took me months, literally months to get back on track with my marketing. It was like eight months before I sold that same package again successfully, because I was so in my head about it. Now, out of this one story, there's so much that I want to say to you, and as I do, I want you to think about a big goal of yours right now, my example is from like over six years ago, and maybe one that doesn't apply for most of you because the idea of selling something isn't that big of a deal anymore. And that's kind of the point of me using this example. It's one that in the past I struggled with. And now it's no big deal anymore. But for you, I want you to think about something that you're going through right now or a goal that you have that feels impossible at the moment. All right, you have something in mind, let's go. First, lesson for you is that highs aren't always good. We all love the positive feelings. It feels good to feel good, right? But the areas where you're so over the top thrilled when something goes well, is an indication of where there is work to do. Because if you feel extreme positive emotions, when it goes well, what happens when it doesn't go? Well, extreme negative emotions, right? High highs and low lows are a sign of unhealthy attachment to your goal in business. And what I mean by this is you assign meaning based on whether you achieve the goal or not. If you achieve your goal, you make that mean that you're valuable, that people want what you have to offer, that you know what you're doing, that you'll succeed, it's etc, right? All the things that you would make that mean. And if you don't achieve the goal, you make it mean the opposite, that you aren't valuable that no one wants what you have to offer, that you don't know what you're doing, that you'll never reach your goal, when the reality is that achieving a goal is never evidence of what is possible or true for you. But it's rather evidence of your thoughts. I want you to think about your impossible goal. What would you make it mean if you achieve it? Your work is to believe that before you achieve it, whatever you would make it mean, you need to begin to believe that in order to create what you want to create, in order to achieve what you want to achieve, not wait until you achieve or create something to believe it. Okay. The second lesson that I want to tell you is that confidence feels more neutral. Extreme highs might actually be an indication of a lack of belief. Think about it. If I had confidence and expected to sign that client, I wouldn't have been jumping and screaming. I wouldn't have been running around. I absolutely love when new clients enroll in coaching with me now. But I never run around screaming anymore. Looking back, I can see that getting that very first Yes to that coaching package was actually a surprise to me. I didn't go into that call expecting a yes, I hoped she would. Maybe I believed it was possible. But I was not confident that it was going to be a yes. As you build confidence, your emotions will actually be more neutral. So listen to this example. When my clients crossed the million dollar milestone in their business. It's actually pretty uneventful. By the time they reach that milestone, they aren't surprised. In fact, they've seen it coming. And they knew it was inevitable. Yes, it's worth celebrating. And we absolutely do. But they often say it didn't feel as big as they once thought it would. And that's a sign that they did the work upfront, they created the feelings ahead of time that would lead to the result. Instead of waiting for the result to feel confident, they created confidence that the result would happen. So how do you do that? That brings me to the third lesson, plan for failure. By now you know that failure is a big part of entrepreneurship. And as long as you don't give up, you never truly fail. That means that one of the most important things you can do as an entrepreneur is build resilience. And there are two ways to do this. The first is what most entrepreneurs do, they set a goal, go after the goal, missed the goal, and then process all of their thoughts and feelings afterwards. Each time they fail. They work through everything that came up. And then they bounce back maybe a little bit faster each time, but it still takes a lot of time to process and go through everything after the fact. The second approach is how I help my clients build resilience. After setting a goal, and before beginning implementation, we proactively do the work to decide what they will make it mean if they do not hit their goal. We plan ahead of time how they will handle failure. Let's say a client wants to launch a new group program and enroll 20 clients, I have them choose their beliefs ahead of time, or what they would think if they were to land fewer than 20 clients. If they don't hit their goal. What are they going to make that mean? We dig in and do the mindset work ahead of time to find a neutral place. We explore how enrolling fewer clients doesn't change their value or what's possible for them or anything else. We reframe their thoughts and we talk about how the work they're doing for this launch is building momentum for the next the 20 clients is inevitable. And while they stay committed to going after the 20. They also detach from any assigned meanings that don't serve them, as well as the specific timeline. And they do the work to become unshakable first. By doing this ahead of time before they execute, then they are prepared, they are so much better prepared. When curveballs are thrown their way, they're more likely to stay the course, they are more likely to actually hit the goal. And if they don't hit their goal, they don't miss a beat. They don't need days or weeks to recover. They don't take days and weeks thinking that their business is falling apart are not going to be successful, because they've already chosen ahead of time what they are going to think. And because of that, like I said, they not only are more likely to hit the goal in the first place, but if they don't, they keep going and they don't give up on that goal. There's no need for weeks of processing and reframing. They move right along to what's next. They're building resilience, right? Building resilience is all about overcoming the unexpected. And I just gave you a few tools to build your resilience by identifying signs of unhealthy attachment to your goals, finding an operating from more neutral emotions, and planning for failure ahead of time.

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